I feel that a lot of problems in our society stem from externalizing blame rather than taking it on internally. I’m not about to get on my high horse here and start pointing fingers at other people, I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit blaming others for problems I created, but I do see a worrying trend of people looking for something to blame rather than taking a long hard look at themselves. I think I know the reason why, at least for myself.
Internalizing blame is a mentally exhausting activity, especially when you have an easy reason to blame others. Indeed I spent far too much of my University project year blaming others for my failings, not recognizing that I should have just manned the fuck up and fixed my shit. It took me a good couple years to come to terms with the fact that in all the interactions where failure was identified it was just as easy to ascribe the fault with myself as it was with anyone else. Actually doing so at the time was an impossibility, thanks to my over-inflated ego that was still recovering from its teenage know-it-all years.
That video hits the nail on the head. Many people ascribe the blame for failed relationships to the person on the other side. It’s easy to understand why as well, that person has hurt you in some way and now that they’re not part of your life putting the fault on them makes it easier to deal with. Taking a step back and looking at yourself however, whilst immensely difficult, can be quite revealing. This isn’t to say that the other side is always blameless, but a relationship is always a 2 way street.
Since realizing this my life has become inexorably more complicated, seeing me getting stuck in analytical cycles constantly, but I do feel a lot more comfortable in accepting and dealing out blame where its appropriate. Sure I’m not immune to externalizing blame entirely but I do feel I’m getting better, enough so that a repeat of the University incident should hopefully never happen again.
